Reach Out & Read Book Drive

We cringe as we anticipate the screaming. The kicking. The crying.

 That one ugly word…

“No”.

However, as undesirable as it is, denying your child that chocolate bar in line at the grocery store is really part of a larger life lesson.  It’s important for children to learn that they will in fact continue to live if they don’t get what they want. They also need to learn how to accept this news without behaving as if it’s Armageddon.

My advice to parents is the same as it is for teachers. Take “no” out of your vocabulary by saying “yes”. Now this isn’t meant to be taken literally. It just means turn a “no” into a teaching opportunity. Rather than,

“No, you can’t have that chocolate bar.” (let the screaming begin),

help them to review their behavior.

“Do you feel like you had excellent behavior in the store today?” (provide examples of how they didn’t behave if they don’t come up with any.)

By helping them to understand that they did not earn the chocolate bar, you are having them take responsibility for their actions. Young children are egocentric. That means they believe the world revolves around them and tend to place blame on outside sources. It is important that they learn to look at and review their own actions when they don’t get what they want. After they do that, give them an opportunity to learn from their mistakes by informing them,

“You can try to earn the chocolate bar again when we come to the store next week. I know you can behave wonderfully and I’m excited to see it!” (keep it positive and give them something to look forward to.)

As always when it comes to disciplining children, you will receive resistance at first. You are still likely see the screaming and crying when you first start this method. However, the more consistent and calm you are about it, the sooner it will begin to work. It can be difficult, just remember that learning to adapt is important. By not giving in to their every whim, we are providing them with valuable practice for later in life.

Good Luck!

1.)   Natural/Logical Consequences

2.)   Keep it Realistic

3.)   Follow Through

Consequences are important because that’s how we learn from our mistakes. The end goal of parenting is to prepare your child to be a successful, responsible, member of society. Out in the real world, if you procrastinate filling your gas tank, you end up stalled out in the McDonald’s drive through. (THAT was a natural consequence I won’t forget.) The natural consequence of refusing to brush my teeth would have been a mouth full of cavities. Therefore the logical consequence my mother should have gone with is to calmly say, “Well I certainly don’t want your teeth falling out from cavities. So you will have to stop eating ice cream, cookies, and any other sugary foods until you are brushing your teeth daily”.

By not throwing around wild punishments like canceling my birthday for the next ten years, she could have kept it realistic. Instead, she built up a stream of threats that she had no chance with. Consequences need to be achievable in order to complete the third and most difficult step.

Regardless of whether you do steps 1 and 2, the most important aspect of discipline is step 3; follow through. Children who get used to you making empty threats, quickly learn to ignore you. As adults we get to know whom we should take seriously because they will do what they say. Children work the same way. Again, keep in mind that our ultimate goal is preparing them for life. When they enter the job market, their boss isn’t likely to give them eight warnings before they correct their behavior. Neither should you.  Follow this method each and every time and pretty soon you’ll find the need for it less often.

Separation anxiety is a typical, but difficult challenge for many parents. Frightened, crying children clinging to your leg can leave you feeling sympathetic, angry, and guilty all at once. These confusing feelings often leave parents asking themselves, “what am I doing wrong?” Here are a few tips to ease your child’s separation anxiety.

• Create a foundation of trust. Something this important will take time to build. Start with always telling the truth.  “I am going to work. I will be back to pick you up after nap” (or whatever activity coordinates with your pick up). Distracting your child and sneaking out doesn’t build trust! It creates a fear that every time they turn around, you’ll suddenly be gone.

• Develop a routine.  Kids feel safe when they can predict what will happen. Keep your ritual loving, consistent, and short. Prolonging a goodbye only makes it harder.

• Stay positive! If your child senses that you are nervous, their feelings of anxiety will grow. Talk to them about all the fun things they will do while at school.

• Stay calm and show confidence in your child, but get help if needed. Ask your child, “Can you say goodbye to me by yourself, or do you need (caregiver) to help you?” (CHS Family Education Program)

Don’t be worried if separation anxiety appears after they have already appeared to have an easy transition. This may just mean that your child now feels comfortable enough to show their true feelings.

Separation anxiety can be emotionally hard for parents and children. Remember that we are here to support you. Building positive relationships with your child’s caregivers is important. They will feel your confidence and this difficult time will be over in no time!